By salon reader and guest blogger Alisa Bowman
I spent weeks worrying about what passage of Project: Happily Ever After to read for Lady Jane’s Salon. One friend had suggested I read the love letter I’d written for my husband. I thought, “The love letter? People might fall asleep.”
Then I thought about reading from the very beginning of the book. But this section goes into great detail about how I’d once planned my very healthy husband’s funeral on the off chance he’d conveniently drop dead. It’s quite dark. I didn’t think it would fit in with what the other authors might choose to read. More important, I thought it might lead audience members to form an incorrect assumption about my character.
What to read? What to read?
Years ago, I’d once read an essay at Cedar Crest College about my first bikini wax. Some of the students had laughed until they’d cried—especially at the part that compared oral sex to road kill removal. A version of that essay had made its way into the book. I figured, “Hey, it was a hit before. It will be a hit again.”
The version that had made its way into the book, however, was much shorter, and it was missing some of the more risqué parts. For instance, I did not include the road kill removal line or any mention of oral sex in general. Still, it was about how a bikini wax saved my married sex life. How could I go wrong with that topic?
So I practiced it in front of the mirror. The mirror stared blankly and asked, “So have you got anything better?”
Really? How could a piece about my vagina not be interesting? The mirror must be wrong!
Still, I continued to second-guess myself.
“What if someone in the audience is offended by vaginas?” I wondered.
“No, everyone loves vaginas,” I thought.
Still, I figured it would be safe to pick something else—something tamer and more romantic. So I settled on a section about this hugging exercise my husband and I had tried.
But when I read that one in front of the mirror, I felt bored and the mirror did, too.
What to read? What to read?
Even as I mingled with audience members and romance authors before the reading, I was still conflicted. I kept looking intently at various people and wondering, “Will she be offended if I read a piece about my vagina?”
In the end, I decided to read both pieces.
I started off with a bit of nerves. My knees shook, but I was pretty sure my long skirt concealed that.
And as soon as I said the word, “Vagina” everyone laughed.
That’s when I allowed the reading to take over and it all became fun.
Soon I was done and Leslie Carroll, dressed in a tiara and royal gown, took over to offer a historical account of the royals and a romance gone wrong. Lisa Dale read various sections of Slow Dancing on Price’s Pier and captivated us all with the sweet innocence of young lust.
Afterward, no one mentioned anything about being offended or embarrassed and everyone still seemed able to make eye contact with me. I figured all was good.
We mingled and enjoyed a beautiful cake made by Sossa Starshine of Starshine’s Sweets. The cake was shaped like a heart. It had a Band-aid on top and had a design that looked as if it had been broken and sewn back together. It represented the true epitome of romance in my opinion, and it tasted like heaven.
